Burgundy

Episode 29

When I got home, Sandra was done with making lunch and was cleaning the kitchen up.
My heart was racing as I joined her.

She wanted to set the dining for me to eat but I wasn’t hungry and told her I will eat later. I noticed that her facial expression changed after I said that.

After tidying the kitchen up she started walking out with a kitchen napkin which she was using to wipe her wet hands.
She threw the napkin carelessly on the dining table and I knew she was angry.
I rushed to her.

“My love what is it…did I do anything wrong?
She pulled away from my arms and said.
“I should be asking you that. Ever since yesterday you have been acting strange. I got tired of asking you what the problem was. I know something is bothering but you have refused to open up. Did I do anything wrong bye coming down to see you? Why can’t you open up on what exactly is eating at you. You picked at your breakfast this morning and did not eat much, I quickly made lunch hoping you will eat whenever you return but here you are again telling that you are not hungry. I should have stayed back in my father’s house instead of coming down here. Any time I start a conversation you will be absent minded and hardly give me the attention I crave for. I’m leaving…I’m going back home. Whenever you are ready to open up, you know where to find me. I will not spend another night here in this house with you…I can’t cope with your troubled mood. Maybe I should be serious with my plans on visiting the embassy with my dad and getting the required documents for my traveling out to Canada instead of been where I’m not wanted.

She turned and started walking away, I held her and she kept struggling.
I was almost crying like a child.
I was really going through a lot and I do not want it to affect Sandra, I felt so sad that Sandra was dragged into my mess.
How do I even tell her that I’m expecting a child with Ireti. Sandra will never forgive me this time, not after what I did to her.
But for how long do I intend to live like this.
Ireti was making my life miserable and I don’t know how to escape from it.
My only problem is I don’t want to see Sandra sad.

I held her and did not let her go. A tear dropped from my eyes to her shoulder and she straightened and looked at me. I lowered my saddened face.

She took me to a sit and I sat down. Sandra brought a box of tissue and handed over to me. She sat beside me and grabbed my hands into hers.

She was indeed treating me like a child and it made me want to cry the more because Sandra deserve a better man not somebody like me. I don’t deserve her kind heart.
“Mart, what is it? Talk to me…I wish to know please. You are getting me worried.
I wiped another tear, swallowed hard and looked up at her.

“I’m afraid, I don’t want you to leave me. My life will be in shamble if you leave me. I love you so much and I can’t function well without you. That is why I can’t open up my trouble to you because you may never forgive me….. But I won’t blame you if you chose not to forgive. I wish…I wish you will.
She was quiet, she sq££zed my hands gently, bent over and kissed my forehead before saying.

“Trust me first and tell me what it is. I don’t know what my reaction will be and I’m not promising I will be all nice at whatever you have to say but let me hear first before concluding. I love you too Mart and you should stop hiding stuffs from me. I hate secrets. Did you kill anybody?…what happened?

I swallowed hard again, bent my head and try to arrange the words in my mind. I breathed out and said.
“Is Ireti. I lied…I lied to you about calling it quit with her. It all started when I couldn’t get to you after what happened back then, Ireti came back pleading for a second chance or she will kill herself. I didn’t want to give her a chance after what happened but eventually I did. I notice she was still in contact with her Papi but I waved it off until I heard Musa one day talking to you over the phone. I urged him to get your address and when he did I came searching for you. After I found you, I try to end it all with Ireti but she won’t let me be. She comes up with different threats and almost stabbed herself one day with my kitchen knife after i told her it was over between us. She was blackmailing me emotionally and in every way possible. I got drunk one night and can’t remember touching her but when I woke up my clothes were off and Ireti was naked. She said I made love to her without condom and I have never done that before. After few weeks she told me that she was pregnant and it was a product of that night. She was the same person that kept calling yesterday and I lied that it was my Mum, I lied…my love. I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. She kept banging at the gate yesterday and I have to go out to dismiss her. Today I actually went to see her and to settle on how to go on with the pregnancy but she is still making everything difficult and kept threatening me. Please don’t leave me. I know I don’t deserve you…please stay. My life will never be the same if you leave me….please….

I pleaded and went on my knee pleading. I didn’t even care as tears dropped from my eyes. I kept begging Sandra not to leave and to forgive me.

She pulled me up and remained quiet and every of her silent makes me feel like I was going to choke to death. She didn’t say anything for a while and I guess she was trying to decide if she should walk away or to forgive me and stay.