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Episode 1

I was locking my door as I tried to hurry up for my
lectures when I met the only nightmare that prowls
at day. I thought I have been smart by dodging for
over 2 weeks now but my cup was filled up. My landlady walked up to me, fuming with anger.
Me: Madam you scared me off my feet o. I don run
finish ooo…

She cut me off b4 I could finish my story.
Landlady: Shut up! Mechie onu gi osiso. Wally or
wetin you de call ursef. E don teh wen I begin to de look 4 u. You think sey yu get brain? Aaah, smart
don jam smarty.

I pretended not to know what she was talking
about. How she go de insult me like dat nii.
I feigned angry.

Me: Madam, excuse me. Don’t you think I have the right to talk? You just came to my door and began
calling me names. Don’t provoke me this early
morning. I will warn you for the last time.

I made to move away, smiling within myself that my
act worked. She changed her mood and smiled a little.

Landlady: E neva reach like dat na. No vex abeg. I been think say you won dodge ur house rent.

Me: Rubbish talk madam! That’s absolutely rubbish.

I think tis high time I took a legal action against
you. How can I be scared of such a little amount of money? Have I owned you b4? Trust me na, as a student of English and Literature, I
used all the words I ve learnt over the years.
I was already pitying 4 the poor woman as her
mood changed. She was around 37 years with a
child but no husband. She didn’t play her match very well and a goal was scored. She was fair and pretty with a big butty and a saucy b—-t that poked out 4rm the cloth she wore. If she had completed her education, she would have been a hotcake. She owned 4 hostels and a big restaurant and controlled a lot of money, but she doesn’t live a big life. Landlady: Tis ok, I have heard you. Pay when you
have the money.

She said and turned to leave.
Me: Bigger mama!No vex o. Na so we dey roll na.

No take am personal
She brightened up a little. Landlady: I think say na only you sabi english na.
Me: How Chi chi na?

Chichi was her 17yrs old daughter.
Landlady: She de shop. I hope say you no dey eye
am? Cause na me go cut ur manhood first
We laughed. Me: No yawa. Make I go lecture first. I go come for
evening make we chop fish nii.
Landlady: I go de wait 4 you
I left for my lecture, wondering how I will pay my
house rent of 75k when I ve already squandered
30k. As I was about crossing the road, a black Range
Rover stopped in front of me and as the glass
wound down, I saw the biggest surprise of the
day…..


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