Episode 1

this story you are about to read might or might not be fiction


my BlackBerry Q10 vibrated (oh yeah, I use a Q5. Just wanted to take style and tell you)

So I had actually been on Facebook digging into the pictures of my newest Facebook crush when that ping came in (by the way, I might probably “expose” the facebook username of the Facebook crush at the end of this winks)
Alright. Let me focus on the story. I need to stop digressing.

takes a deep breath
So, the ping.

I minimized my browser and went to BBM to see the evil spirit that was disturbing my life with a freaking BBM ping (I hate pings, by the way, and I always forget to deactivate the vibrations that come with them. After typing this I need go deactivate that thing)
So, straight outta Facebook I balled into BBM and lo and behold it was Jaga. That idiot. No, Jaga is not his real name. That’s just what we call him. It’s actually a short version of Jaga Jaga. I don’t know how such evil nickname was given to him. Actually the fool na my guy, and the mumu boy just loves two things in his life more than anything – women and weed…aside from that, the guy no get wahala sha.
So I received his message.
“Fool”. I typed. “Why you won kill my battery”. Pim. I sent it.
He received the message and started typing. I watched the typing thing that shows up near someone’s bbm name when he is typing and waited.
His message entered.
“Guy, e get one babe wey dey trip for you here o”
I sq££zed face. Which type of mumu message is this again. I just received the message, bone the guy and returned to Facebook to continue checking out my crush’s picture from where I stopped.
Three pings, I nearly mad. I rushed back to BBM.
“Guy, why u won kill my ba3 na. You chop mess?”. I sent it.
“Fool”. He replied. “I won change your life”
Then he sent me a picture. I opened it. And my eye “shined”.
See, is not like I fall in and out of like easily sha but mehn, I saw that picture and forgot about the other girl I was checking out on Facebook.
“Who be this babe”. I asked.

Jaga sent me a smiling smiley. Then typed. “Na the girl I been tell you say she dey trip for you. Mumu”
I looked at the message. Trip for me ke? Why?
See It’s not like I’m looking down on myself or anything (alright, maybe I am) but mehn, that girl was too fine abeg. She can’t be tripping for me. So one thing was certain – Jaga won jonse me. Simple.
He started typing….
I waited.
“The girl been see your instagram picture come talk say she like you o” (by the way this is my instagram handle, just in case you won see wetin the girl see: IamOlufayo You can follow me if you like)
I looked at the message and of course, I didn’t believe him. The guy na jonser. But I still asked:
“Who be the girl”.

“She be my cousin”. Jaga replied.
I sq££ze my face, then shake head.
No guy tells another guy say him cousin dey trip. It’s like an unspoken rule around guys. We no dey like our guys near our relation. So for this fool to tell me his cousin was tripping then there was something wrong with the story.
Why I dey bother even think this matter sef.
“Guy”. I typed. “She fine. Bye bye”. Pim, I sent.

I didn’t get any message from him again. And I went back to Facebook.
Like ten minutes later, my phone notification light started blinking. I checked and it was from BBM
And you won’t believe what I saw when I checked my BBM…

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