The Dark Of You

Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 19

Do you mind if I join you?
I smiled awake with the strong but soothing scent of Rylan lingering in my nose. My eyes flutter open to see myself clutching onto her suit jacket that I forgot to return yesterday after we walked to the Eiffel tower and back to our hotel. I must have left it in the bed and grabbed it in my sleep.

She was so kind to me all evening. Nobody has ever held me the way she did and comforted me like that before. She allowed me to cry in her arms as if that was the most normal thing in the world. Most people would have found it uncomfortable. She might be silent, but it’s that type of quietness that is reassuring and offers more than any words could ever do. I think that is what I need—someone who doesn’t speak tones of useless words.

I can see the concerned expression on her face. Rylan can be hard to read, yet I can spot that worry in her eyes. Like yesterday she offered me a warm smile as she took me by the hand to lead me on the dance floor with her. She has her moments from time to time. I don’t know why she says she doesn’t care, but her actions talk a lot more. She cares but not in the way she thinks she does.

She took me through London for a trip to lift me up. She comforted me on the plane when it shook, complimented my drawings and let me draw her without a care. Then yesterday evening happened. I smile to myself but shook it off quickly as thoughts of how wrong this comes to mind.

She is my security guard, for heaven’s sake. I pushed her suit jacket away and rushed out of bed. How stupid can I be to think these thoughts about her? I need to get a grip of myself again. On the way to the bathroom for a shower, I pull off my t-shirt and the pajama pants onto the floor.

I turn the shower on as I brush my teeth for the day. When I’m done, I take off my underwear and step into the warm water. If only it could wash away the thoughts. I need to clean Rylan away from my mind. Perhaps going back to old habits is not a bad idea to try and chase her away again. It’s what I do and I’m pretty good at it.

After the shower and getting dressed in a pair of jeans and a gray sweatshirt, I grabbed Rylan’s suit jacket with me as I crossed the hallway. With a loud knock, I waited on her to open the door, but the seconds passed.

“Rylan,” I knocked once more and let out an impatient breath. Maybe she is still sleeping or in the shower like I was a minute ago. I give in as I turn, but Rylan comes down the hallway with a cup of coffee in her hand.

“Morning,” She said. There was no smile on her lips, but the tiredness in her eyes might be the explanation for that.

“I have your jacket,” I handed it over to her.

“I left a few stains on your shoulder,” My cheeks lit up with an unbearable heat of the reminder of yesterday.

“But I think we can get it cleaned before our next party,” I smiled shyly as if that would hide my embarrassment.

“I’ll take care of it,” She took the jacket into her free hand.

“Thank you,” Rylan said and unlocked her door to step inside. I gazed into her neat hotel room. Her bed is perfectly made, and her clothes are perfectly folded on top of one of the chairs. Rylan put her cup of coffee on top of the dresser as she carefully laid her jacket over the back of the chair.

“Do you have any plans for the day?” She asked and it took me a moment before I looked at her. I’m just amazed at how neat she is compared to me. Before I took a shower, I threw all my clothes onto the floor without a care.

“Um, no, not today,” I stood up straight as she stood in front of me.

“When does the plane leave tomorrow?”I asked as the past day has left me in a fog.

“Ten in the morning,” She answered and I nodded thoughtfully to myself.

“I think I’m going to stay in today and get some rest,” I smiled, but honestly, all I want is to go out and explore. It was the look of tiredness in Rylan’s eyes that created a ball of empathy in my belly. Here I thought I had the ability to go back to my old self to make her life a living nightmare and all it took to change my mind was her blue eyes.

“You should get some rest too,” I recommended and she only nodded, but then I left without a word spoken back into my room.

---

The entire day I have spent in the bed with the TV on in the background as I have been scrolling on my phone and ordered room service once in a while as hunger took over. I can’t say healthy foods have been much of the part. It’s a terrible way to place a small smile on my face. I know I shouldn’t stuff my mouth with surgery stuff like ice cream and chocolate. My body seems to disagree with my choices as my belly has been complaining a few times.

A soft knock on the door made me place the phone down beside me and step out of bed.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“It’s me,” I recognized Rylan’s voice right away and I opened the door for her. She has been checking in on me a few times during the day. Even gave me a lecture on not to open the door without asking who is on the other side. I tried to flirt my way out of it by saying that I didn’t need to ask since it’s her job to protect me. Of course, she didn’t take the joke as she raised her eyebrow at me.

“Are you okay?” She asked, but her gaze ended up at the mess of food boles, plates and papers around the room.

“I’m fine,” I grinned at her and she pressed her lips together as she glared at me with disapproval. I’m not sure if it’s the fact that my room looks like a garbage dump or that I lied to her. Maybe it’s both who knows.

“What about you, soldier? Are you okay?” I teased and she clenched her jaw in discomfort.

“I’m fine,” She answered coldly and it felt as if someone stepped onto my heart with dirty shoes.

“Have a good evening, soldier,” The smile on my face faded quickly as I was going to close the door, but she held it open.

“Do you mind if I join you?” She asked and pointed on the TV. I turned to look at the screen as I thought about my answer.

“Sure,” I shrugged and opened the door to let her in. When I had closed the door, I slide into the bed, and Rylan pulled one of the chairs forward.

“You can sit in the bed. I don’t mind,” I shrugged as I took a few clothes out of bed to make some room. She stood still for a moment as if she was considering her options. Without a word, she sat down to my right and gazed onto the screen at the wall. I don’t understand a word they speak as it’s in French, but it’s nice to look at something anyways.

We both sit in quietness and I enjoy her company much more than the ice cream. I pick up my phone to scroll around. A few pictures of Jude and her husband show up. They are celebrating their fifth year of being married. I smile tugged at the corner of my lip but didn’t want to explode into a full smile. Is it sad that other people’s happiness makes me unhappy? It’s jealous—the desire to have what they have.

I let out a loud sigh as I keep going through pictures of people I barely know smiling. My question is, are these people truly as happy as they look? We can all fake a smile and hide who we truly are on the inside for no one to know about our pain.

I turn to Rylan, who has surprisingly fallen asleep with her arms folded over her chest. Her head tilted to the side as she breaths quietly. Her blue eyes are closed from this world as her lips are slightly parted to let out the air. It’s not even seven o’clock yet.

Slowly I step out of bed to close the curtains and turn off the nightstand lamp on the side table. Still, I can see the delicate features on her face as she is asleep. I bite my lip as I pull the cover over her and shut off the TV to let her sleep in peace.