Episode 2
Igwe Izumba neglected Dikeâs disrespectful attitude of not greeting him because he took his charisma to be caused by high level of education and civilization. Nevertheless, he sat on his throne wearing an expensive traditional attire and looking at all the elders who also seated quietly to listen to him because the expression on his face wasnât encouraging thereby giving them the notion that something must had gone wrong again in the village.
âMy eldersâ the king, Igwe Izumba began. âOur people say a frog does not run in the day time for nothing, either itâs chasing after something or something is chasing after it. We have converged here at this very hour to look into what is happening in our village. The rate of crime is increasing day by day. In the past three days, some cat-burglars made away with two hundred thousand naira of chief Mbakwe who just came back from a business trip. Secondly, a complaint was brought to me recently by a woman who said that these same men broke into her house last night and made away not only with her money but also raped her sixteen year old daughter..â
Hearing that, Dike shocked and lowered his pair of eye glasses but never said a word. Other elders also looked astonished as all listened enthusiastically. Therefore the king concluded saying, âThese are the reasons why i called you elders to suggest on what to do to this plightâ
Mr. Kelechi cleared his throat and hit his staff on the floor. âLet the kite perch and let the eagle perch. Whichever that says the other should not perch should suffer broken wings. We must put a stop to this criminality and fish out the very person behind it. Enough is enough!â he shouted.
âYes!â other elders chorus and silence took over as Mr. Kelechi continued.
âWe should even go diabolical and spiritual on this matter because we canât fold our hands and watch Umuye land being sabotaged by criminalsâ
Mr. Adaka, another elder stood up. He had almost Mr. Kelechiâs age and stature but was taller than him. âNo, i disagree with you on this one, Kelechiâ he objected. âWe canât go diabolical or spiritual on this matter because we all are Christians. Moreover, what if the people behind what is befalling us happens to be one of your relatives?â
âHell go with Christianity!â Mr. Kelechi raised his voice. âAdaka, iâm beginning to suspect you because of what youâve just said. You are the one sponsoring those criminalsâ he added.
âChineke! Kelechi, are you accusing me of sponsoring those criminals?â
âItâs obviousâ
âMay Amadioha strike your mouth there!â Mr Adaka pointed his staff at him but Mr. Kelechi did the same thing and said, âLook at the person who called himself a Christian. Adaka, you are a fool!â
âYou are the bigger fool!â Mr Adaka retorted then the palace became noisy due to the exchange of words between the two elders. Therefore the King raised his artefact up and shouted, âSilent!â Then tranquility took over the palace. âI called you here to find a solution to the problem at hand but you are creating more problems!â the king added bitterly.
âWe are sorry your highnessâ Mr Kelechi and Adaka apologized taking off their red caps as a sign of humility .
Dike adjustd forward from his seat. âYour highness may i say something?â he requested.
âGo onâ the king replied while all the elders directed their eyes to Dike. Some began to smile instantly because they expected nothing from him but grammar.
Dike began, âBefore the pandemonium caused by these incubuses cogently, i was thinking of a fastidious and piquant resolution for the onerous sadomasochism abrasively committed last night by the cat-burglars..â without finishing up, the king and other elders began to giggle at his grammar.
âSupu! Na suruâm oyibo. Dike the grammarian!â Mr Kelechi hailed him in igbo language.
Dike never smiled rather continued , âSo as i was substantiating before this paragon interrupted me with an unfamiliar languaâŠâ
âWaitâ Mr. Kelechi interrupted him. âDike, i hope that wasnât an insult â he added.
âAllow him to speak, Kelechiâ Mr. Adaka interfered.
âWhy should i allow him? How can i sit and watch Dike insult me by calling me a paragon?â
âHow do you know if the word âParagonâ is an insult?â
âThen let him tell us the meaning of a paragonâ Mr. Kelechi looked at Dike for explanation likewise other elders.
Dike shook his head and said. âIlliteracy is a disease. Kelechi, i didnât insult you rather complimented on your outstanding perfect personality. Paragon simply means a person who is perfect or perfect example of a particular good qualityâ
âOhoo!â Mr. Adaka spread his hands looking at Kelechi. âI told you it wasnât an insult. Back in those days when i was telling you to follow me to school, you were busy chasing lizards up and down.â
âLook at who is talking. Am i not the one that use to drag you to school but you preferred hunting bush animalsâ Mr. Kelechi retaliated.
âWhatâs wrong with both of you?!â The king provoked. âWe have totally avoided what we came here for and started discussing irrelevant thingsâ he looked at Dike and said, âYou should minimize your grammar, Dike. Just look at what it has causedâ he turned to the elders again saying âThis is my opinion and must be adhered to; we the villagers must contribute to form a vigilante group who will make sure that the criminals are apprehended. We shall also inform the police to look into the matter to see if they will be of help. Hope i have made myself claerâ
âYes, your highnessâ the elders chorus.
âIn fact igwe, that was a perfect ideaâ Mr. Kelechi added.
âThank youâ
Dike touched his beards wisely and said, âIf i must say, your highness, to abstain from more
hazardous nooky, plight and satire, police shouldnât be rearm to avoid bloodshedâ
âDike, i donât understand youâ the king said surprisingly then Dike continued.
âWithout qualm i believe that the police will unnecessarily expand our perturbation rapaciously and nobody will have the perspicacity of a stupefying solipsism which they believe for a rapturous satisfaction regardless how sophisticated the government has actuated the nature of their occupation. This will definitely catapult the paragons of this village to a great stupendous and perfunctory perdition.â
Hearing the confusing grammar, the king stood up. âThis meeting is overâ he said and walked out while the elders began to giggle.
âDike, have you seen how you endded our meeting and pursued the king with your grammar?â Mr Adaka said laughing aloud. Even Mr. Kelechi couldnât help it, so he hailed Dike saying, âDike the grammarian! The only one whose grammar can send one to his early grave. I hail youâ he took off his cap for him and put it back laughing hilariously..
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