“Hey you, my friend come here”
I turned around and saw a guy twice my muscle coming to my side with a ply wood in his hands.
“God i don die today, who bring me come this school na” i lamented!!
“Hold this plank i wan go play handball” he said, “ehen wetin be your name?” he further inquired.
“My name is peter”
“Okay peter if i finish playing and i no see you, na me and you for this school”
I stood there wondering what made that my dad’s church transferred us to Makurdi.
For the record am a Preacher’s son, but lets go back into memory lane!!!
Sometime in September, 1994….
My mother was heavily pregnant and my dad’s mom wanted her to come to the village to deliver the baby and so after arriving in the village, my grand ma wanted me to be delivered in an herbalist house but my mother being a good christian refused which made my grand ma to hate her and promised not to take her to the hospital when due for delivery.
On the night of september 23rd, labour started, my grandma stucked to her words because she refused taking my mother to the hospital, that was how my mother trekked for about three miles to the village hospital to deliver
Legend has it that if your mother is a trekker the child is also going to be a trademark trekker, well that’s how I came into this world.
But something was wrong, in the nnext four days i had neither eaten nor drank anything and everyone were tired of me (maybe thats why am a legend in fasting things Lol)
My grandmother was tired of me, so she broke my childhood fasting with a hot bowl of pap and salt, i cleared it all and they were all petrified.
Ma, my aunty whom assisted my mum was summoned by my grandmother.
“Carry this pikin and him mama go to that prophet for prayer house, e be like say demon don enter am” Granny ordered.
She felt no child in his right sense would reget breast milk for four days in the name of ‘I dey vex sai una born me for village’.
I was carried to a prayer house down the road and when the prophet saw me he screamed!!
“This child is going to be a phrophet one day”
(I’m still waiting for that day)”
Ok thats that for now…..
After three months in the village my dad came and carried us to the city of Port hacourt with my elder sister….
Fast forward three years later, i began
life at school, where all my learning started, both good and bad and ugly….
“God make dem ring bell na, see i as my belly dey sing worship song” i said in my mind while lesson went on.
It was my first day in school and i was given a plate of rice and full egg(for the first time then) to take to school.
“gling, gling, going!! yeah!!” The class screamed, it was time for wacking(it means eating, dats my nickname sef, but that’s a story for another day).
After the break the next agenda on my mind was sleeping, so i sat down and put my head on the desk and started snoring.
“This chicken sweet o, abeg cut for me na” i said stupidly. But before i knew, a slap landed on my face, i woke up with a huge chicken in my mind or so i thought.
“Chai thank God o see as I dream and e came to pass, but why this meat dey smell na” i thought as I sprang up and felt something in my mouth, well behold my chicken meat had turned into a dirty socks in my mouth which a mischievous kid had placed while I was asleep.
“So na socks i go dey chop and i dey dream about chicken” i thought as i quickly throw out the socks admist laughter from all coners of the class, i foolishly joined and laughed at my own stupidity.
“Na who mess this kind smelly mess?” my dad asked as we were watching tv that evening.
I being the culprit quickly used my sharp brain to bring a solution.
“Mummy!! My aunty showed us one style to catch person wey mess o”
I quickly got up and started saying while pointing at everyone except myself.
“Who mess na dogo, dogo say na teacher, teacher say don worry na my class children mess am, puss puss puss”
I landed it on my younger brother’s head happily , i did felt like the world most intelligent kid.
“Oya get up let’s pray and put off that T.V” My dad commanded.
I reluctantly got up and put off the T.V sadly because I was watching my favourite cartoon, ‘Tom and Jerry’.
“Oya uduak(my tribal name) stand up you are sleeping” my sharp eye father caught me again.
‘Na why this man sabi catch only me na” I angrily said in my mind’.
I dont know if my dad eyes is a sleep dectating machine nor do i know why i always sleep during prayer period abi na devil dey come knock me, according to naija films or so i thought or maybe he don’t like it because I’m praying in
my stomach” i thought.
Finally the long prayer came to an end so we were all asked to go bed but that was when my eyes became cleared of sleep and i remembered my Tom and Jerry.
“Daddy i no wan sleep o, make i watch Tom and Jerry small” i asked in my most pleasing voice.
The look i got from him was enough for me to jump and flee to my bed, because my dad’s bad eyes could cause hypertension.
“Oboy wait for me no chop that mango make i piss” i told my brother who was walking with a plate of mango.
After offloading the piss in an imaginary bush i wanted go to where my brother was but my clothes felt like i was stuck in River Benue, i was afraid and then i woke up.
“Chaiiiiii i don piss for bed o, daddy don tear my yansh” I wailed in my mind, “Na who send me to piss for dream”
I quickly got up and change my clothes and then shifted my brother to my side and quickly la!d down on the dry side.
“Oya wake up lets go and pray” my dad voice woke us all up.
“bros who piss na” my brother asked as I stared at him with fear in my heart because my dad said anytime i ever piss again I would be taken for delivarance.
My delivarance was not only prayers type but also with sweet koboko(horse whip) which I dreaded most. So i had to think of a way to avoid early morning beatings.
When i was arrainged before the court of my father i was asked, “na who piss?”
“no be me o” i lied
“So how did your knicker change?”
“Ehm na mosquito being dey bite me for yansh so i pull am to change another one” i said the first silly lie that got to my head.
“Oya go bring the knicker make i see am”
That was the moment i dreaded most but I had no choice but to bring it.
“So as big as you are you are still peeing on the bed?” my dad querried.
“So the time you were my age you no dey piss for bed also?”, i wish i said that.
Aftet collecting my strokes of cane and bashing, I was asked to fast that morning because it’s because of my sins I still peed on the bed while my siblings didn’t.
“Which time peeing on bed come be sin na” I intended shouting back but i held my mouth shut to avoid stories that touch.
That was how my journey to deliverance started, a trip i wished i never went. If only I knew what karma had in Stock for me!!!