Episode 1

The sound of broken dishes woke me up.

Mum: Useless man!

Dad: Prostitute! you don open all your legs finish for all the whole community.

Mum: my own still better nah.Atleast them dey give me regular money unlike you this disgrace to manhood.

Dad: Ehn! nah me you call disgrace to manhood (slaps her and pounced on her,hitting her severally) i will kill you today.

Mum: (Yells) somebody help me o! this man wan kill me o!

I stepped into the scene to seperate them but i ended up receiving a blow on my nose. “Kill yourselfs then you all would be satisfied” i said to them as i left them alone with their problem to settle.I quickly had my bath and dressed up for the day as usually.I searched for my palm but couldn’t find it so i decided to wear my dunlop slippers which was not in a good shape.I took up my tray and went to the bakery to collect bread to sell.I Began my hawking as usually. “Fine butter bread!” i kept yelling until a customer beckoned on me.I quickly went over to her,as my first customer this morning.

Donald: (put the tray to the ground) good morning ma.

Woman: How much do you sell your bread?

Donald: (pointing at the breads) this one N100,this one N150 and this one N250

Woman: can’t i take this N250 own for N200?

Donald: (smiles) ma you can’t.From the bakery the bread is N240.My only gain there is N10

Woman: okay then,i’ll pay N250
I brought out a black nylon and put bread into it.I handed it over to her and collected the money. “Have a nice day ma” i said as i lifted the tray on my head and continued my hawking.Soon later,the worms in my stomach started singing different kinds of songs it was then i knew that i was really famished.I looked across and saw a woman frying puff-puff.I crossed over and bought N50 puff-puff.I quickly devored the puff-puff and heard my worms singing songs of joy.I continued my hawking and with luck on my side,i sold all of the breads and people dashed me their change.My profit today was N2100 I got home feeling tired and worn out.I am so glad i didn’t meet anyone at home.I quickly brought the N3,500 have been keeping in my boxer since all these days.I added N2,000 to it making it N5,500.I want to purchase my jamb form which costs N7,500 just N2,000 to complete the money.As i was battling with the money,i heard my mums voice.I quickly kept the money back into my boxers.

Mum: (walks in) Dullard Where is that baboon you call a father ehn?

Donald: i’ve not seen him

Mum: what about your sisters teresa and vivian

Donald: i’ve not seen them either.

Mum: So you are all alone!

Donald: (Swallowed my spit) yes

Mum: Ehn borrow me N500 there

Donald: mum i don’t have any money on me.

Mum: (slaps donald) lier! nah wetin you be.Now stand up and let me search you.

Donald: (in tears) i have only N100 with me and i want to use it to eat.

Mum: Shey you know say you dey very stupid sha! why you go wan chop when me your mama never chop.E be like say you want your destiny to be useless. (Snatched the N100 from him)

Donald: (in tears) it’s not fair oo

Mum: God purnish your mouth.
I had nothing else to do than to cry.All i have eaten since morning was only N50 puff-puff and now i’m so hungry,it’s only God that can provide dinner for me.My two sisters walked in with so much happiness and the only reason for their happiness is that they have hit it big their prostitution market.

Teresa: Eh my swaggalicious mother.

Mum: My bags of rice.This one wey you dey happy,gist me nah.

Vivian: the Alhaji that nashed us gave us $10,000 each.

Mum: Nah lie!

Teresa: (Brought out the money) mumsi see nah

Mum: (collected the money and started dancing) chineke i thank you, (looked at donald) God shame my enemies.

Vivian: yes oo

Teresa: We bought bread and sardine on our way back. (Opened the bread and took a slice to eat)

Donald: Auntie teresa can i please eat out of the bread?

Mum: you say wetin?

Donald: nothing

Vivian: it better be nothing because you are so useless

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