Diary Of A Lekki Houseboy

Episode 24

Phone was charging and probably didn’t have
money to buy Data and browse, so I opted for
Esther’s Ipad which I didn’t think she would give to
me(Like why ask then? )

I went to the sitting room and sat on a chair that
the Ipad was on, stylishly looking for the perfect
moment to take it and ask her to type in her
password because I wanted to use it but I couldn’t
just get the right moment, so I joined her watching
her TV.

Jessy, A.N.T farm, Goodluck Charlie, still counting
and I still haven’t asked her for the Ipad, instead, I
was enjoying the programmes . (This was funny
sha, unto say I grew up watching masquerades and
Barney B ..)
I miss those days kids have to wait till 4pm before
they start watching TV -BasketMouth said!
(Maybe I was born before color TV came out sha..
)
“Can I use your Ipad please?”.. I said. (Keh! Keh!!

Keh!!!). She didn’t hear me, ohhh! I was only
rehearsing it, I thought I said it aiidy .
“Can I use your Ipad please?”.. I said out loud..

Waiting for a question for a question.. (Like: For
what? Is it your Dad’s? Why?)
“Umm.. For what?”.. She said. (Dayuuum!!! She
gave me what I was expecting but not 100% like I
expected, she didn’t say it in a mean way )
“Just want to check some messages on facebook
and reply some emails for Uncle Daniel”.. I said.
(Lying was the only way I know )
“Alright.. You can have it”.. She said. na
for here I know say something is up!!
She gave me the password as I was forming “Mr.
Tech Geek”. Mind you, that was my second time
using an Ipad. (first was when I used it to Snap
Esther ) Thank God TweetDeck was right on the
home screen(how I for take tell am to open the app
for me? ) as I clicked it, manipulated till I
logged in.
First tweet I saw was that of micheal retweeted by
Tobby’s handle. and it read “@(me) n @_
(faith) probably got around the bend because of the
aphrodicodi LMAO”
APHRODI what? .. “No
wonder!!!!!!!!!!! “.. I said to myself as I
used my right hand to hold my lagbaja to see if it
was still standing(I forgot I would know withought
touching it ) and to the wonder works of whoever
was in charged, it was still very much on. This was
strange as I said earlier, as in, these men tools are
like snails and tortoise nah, why my own come dey
form snake(Folding inside its boxers when he
suppose enter e shell? )
I was still confused. Maybe Tobby was just being
sarcastic(No! It was micheal that tweeted it!!!), but
in checking out for more tweets, I decided to check
Faith’s profile to see if she tweeted, and to my
surprise, she didn’t. She even took off some tweets
and retweets she twEeted earlier(about me being
better now.. ). ..
“Wait oh! Abi na Aprhodicodi dey act on her that
time? Or she was just drunk? Or was it real
feelings? And am here killing myself?”.. I said to
myself.(Heeeeys! We know what I mean by
Aphrodicodi right? Like Aphrodisiac? Abeg google
am jare! She www..)

I didn’t know when I reached my room, sent a
“please call me” text to Asamoah and took like
forever before he called. Inshort, before he called, I
pulled my trousers down to see what lagbaja was
doing down there, and I didn’t even care if the door
was closed(another mistake? Iont think so). Behold,
the “snake” tool started pointing towards the
ceiling like say na pussay dey up there .
I drew my trouses + Boxer +Boxer up in a gifi as a
call came in, it was A$amoah calling me.
*Convo
Me: Guy! Wetin una put for those drinks at the
party? (I said with a natural voice.. Faaaaack
borrowed ascent I tell you )
Asamoah: Did You drink from the dispenser??
Me: Yes nah, where I for drink before?
Asamoah: No nah! The Dispenser liquor was not
meant for you.. It was meant for special people.
Me: Special people? As how?
Asamoah: It contained some ….. (He called a drug I
didn’t care to know.. (Or I can’t just remember?)
But all I know was it was an Aphrodicodi.)
Me: Guy, you don put me for wahala be dat nah,
where you want make I go now?
Asamoah: What’s your blood group?
Me: I don’t know man.. Talk to me!!!!!! (I said with
some energy.. Wait.. Blood group? Me wey never go
hospital for almost 9years? I dey sick? Why I go
know my blood group? Mtchew www.. )
Asamoah: ummm! For it to take that long before it
had effect on you, then you must be O+.
Me: Guy! Bone science, wetin I go do? This tin don
dey wound me nah! ( , I didn’t know it has not
even started)
Asamoah: Chill! Can you come to Wadbash Hotel?
Let me arrange babes for you to ease the spirits.
Me: I told you I can never faaaxck an ashewo.. (I
said with a face I tink I inherited from my Dad ..
Had it be I know!!!!!)
Asamoah: Ehehehe(he laughed).. You never
understand. That water dispenser was special!!!
*Convo cut short (Una too like Amebo.. Ahan!!!!!!!)*
I dropped the Call and ran into the bathroom to mastulabate.. This was what Asamoah suggested since I didn’t wanted to Bleep(saving the stress of nairaland auto correct so I wrote BLEEP) an Ashieawo.. I have heard once or twice that Mageni Buratashi (an aphrodisiac the northerners sells) kills if you don’t have s*x in between 24hours of taking it. I even heard a story of how a woman had to offer herself to her son to bleep(shocking right?) Just because no girl was ready to ease him off his overdosed Buratashi(let’s call it the Nigerian Viagra ). Thanks to my aboki friend from maiduguri(Up till now, I never trust that guy.. MAIDUGURI.. Capital of which state is that?) who told me things about that Viagra some months back. Now am scared as hell! (Something just ministered to me that a girl and a boy actually recited the “State and Capital” song of those days just to be able tell the state in which maiduguri is it capital… The thing say make I ask you “How many days does august have in a calendayr ?? ) And to even think that drugs works X 2 when used with vodka, I had to shorten my own 24hours to 12hours (Simple maths.. DM me so I will proof how I did it.. NOTE: This message is for the Females only ) It was like 12pm and I had 3hours more(fear my maths).. For the first time in 3years, I started believing my mind while I masturlabated. Like it was telling me “You Will Go 5Rounds gan!”.. And I believed like say na One popular G.O prophesy am . Before before, if it tells me “You will go to rounds”, I go just yawn and not yield to his advice.. Hence I go do the straphing and resting style . *Na you holy pass? Shift!!!!* 5mins in, no rest, all straphing with my hands and nothing came out? It seemed the anxiety even angered the hormones.. Come see lagbaja dey fear . I didn’t even need to imagine any Lisa ann or Joyce’s b0s0ms, or Faith’s pussay hole before I gained an attention. The thing just stand like say na Status of Goliath. “Baba! I need your help oh.. If you save me from this, I no go enter party again.. I no go straaf anygirl until I marry, but I had to rethink that prayer. (I heard lagbaja shout “Shattap there! Till you marry? Make the both of us better die here oh! You wan kill me?” )..