The Man Wey Reason

Episode 19

It was about 8am. Time for work.

“Flow make we dey go Nekede Exclusive garden, we don late” Man said to me.

“i go follow una go oh” Baba jay suddenly said. Maybe he tot we were going for funfair in the garden. Maybe “where u think say we dey go sef?” Man asked Baba jay, “una dey go mix rice and beans na” Baba jay replied.

It was very certain we would soon have a visitor in the compound. The Police. because after the gruesome murder of a prominent man like Chief, i was 101% certain the Police would come for questioning.

Was Baba jay scared of being question by the Police? Why would he be? When he never had a hand in the death of Chief. But why did he suddenly decide to go with us to mix rice and beans? Only time could answer these questions.

“Flow go buy slippers wey we go wear comot, as dem don thief our shoe and our pam sef, make we wear slippers comot na” Man said offering me 500naira to buy four pairs of rubber slippers(na Flip flop English dey call am oh, but make i just call am the baptizmal name, slippers).

Like minds would always reason alike, i winked at Brainbox, and he understood i wanted him to join me to go submit my L102 Assignment to the Lecturer.

As we walked to Nkiru’s Shop bare footed, Brainbox said, “Flow, i go dey for back of the shop, u go dey throw them the slippers come where i dey”. “No wahala” I replied. What it meant was that i had a big task ahead.

“Nkiru, i wan buy slippers, the big size” I said as i got to Nkiru’s shop. “take am there and give me money” Nkiru replied. I took a pair of slippers and gave her the 500naira. “i no get change here oh, make i go bring change come” Nkiru said and rushed into the house.

Opportunity!! Big Opportunity.

I threw a pair of Slippers quickly, and i threw another pair. But before i could throw the final pair, Nkiru came with the change. Since i was with one pair of slippers and i already threw two pairs to Brainbox, so in other to complete the pair of Slippers, i quickly demanded, “Nkiru abeg give me another Slippers”. She gave me, and i left peacefully.

Peacefully indeed, as a successful candidate of L102 course. An “A” course.

As i walked out of Nkiru’s Shop, i saw Haruna came walking towards me.

I was wearing a pair of slippers, and i held another pair.

The way Haruna stared at me, it was as if he was suspecting i stole the pair of Slippers i held. “i no thief am oh, i buy am, them the one wey i thief dey with Brainbox” If i said that, maybe i would instantly run Mad.

Talking of Mad, i quickly recalled Haruna’s threat. And i promised myself i would talk to my guys for us to go plead for Haruna’s forgiveness. And that they should remember Haruna gave us just 24hours.

“Make we go beg Haruna na, make we no run mad oh” I said as i entered the room. “Bone that thing abeg, that Northerner want make we fear” Baba jay said. “na lie oh, him mean am oh, make we go beg am oh” I repeated. “Flow leave that thing jor, why u be fear-fear like dis” Man said. “how i no go fear? u no see feather wey blood dey wey him carry that time” I yet repeated. “Flow we no dey go beg am jor, that feather no mean anything abeg” Snoop replied.

“E mean something oh! E mean something oh!” I warned.

Like the pidgin English adage goes; “fly wey no dey hear word dey follow dead body enter grave”.

Since i was called “fear-fear” just because i told my friends what i felt was right. Well, i had done my best. I was sure even if Haruna cursed madness on all of us, my madness wouldn’t be as severe as theirs, or so i tot.

We left home on our way to Nekede Exclusive garden.

How we were dressed, whoever sees us would know the nature of our job. We were all wearing rubber slippers, shabby trousers, Brainbox was even wearing a worn out shirt.

We crossed Otammiri River, not by swimming but by canoe. We canoed and paid 20naira each to the canoe rider.

We walked a little distance before we got to Nekede Exclusive garden. The beautiful Nekede Exclusive garden.

The Estate was really a masterpiece. Infact no Estate in Owerri was a beautiful as it. “Man this house dem fine oh” I mentioned with my mouth ajar. “ehen na, u no know say na here all dis politicians dey stay” Man replied. “so where the place wey we go work na?” Brainbox asked Man, “when we reach there u go see the place” how else was Man suppose to respond.

My mouth was still ajar in astonishment when i saw a beautiful lady walking towards us smiling, “wetin make dis one dey smile? How she no go smile, wey she don chop bellefull. Ajebutter pekin, see as she f’at like bread wey dem put for water” I said to my guys in a voice not loud enough for her to hear, my guys laughed.

“Flow!! Long time oh” She said as she came close. The intonation(a.k.a phoney) she used to say that made my brain interpreted what she said as, “Flower long ti oh” i tot she was talking of the flower planted by the roadside. I tot the name of the Beautiful flower was “long ti oh”. “Flow, is dis really your?” she said again, this time my brain interpreted her “phoney” correctly.

She was Favour, the ever “phoney” Favour. Our course Rep. in our final year in school. Very intelligent, but her problem was her “phoney”. Mehn! She too like phoney. When we were in school, if she wanted to pass an information to the whole class, sometimes we made use of an interpreter to interpret her Swahili to English, because her speaking sounded like 70% Swahili and 30% French.

“what are u doing here? Do u stay here?” She asked me after giving me a “b’reastful” hug(my guys jealous no be small, especially Baba jay). “Yes! Sorry, No, i came to see a friend” I said as i tried my best for her not to see i wore slippers. “ok, i stay here, my Dad owns that house over there” She said pointing to a heaven on earth building.

We chatted a bit. I was not even paying attention to what she said, i was imagining how she had become chubbier, both “nyash wise” and “b’ooby wise”.

After she finished speaking Swahili, she left catwalking and i never even bordered to get her phone number because even in my wierdest dream, i dared not asked such a lady out, unless i wan die young.
It was an upstairs kponkpon, we would have to go upstairs to pour the rice and beans.

Very risky kponkpon, as someone might mistakenly fall off. Or so i tot.

because of how risky it was to climb upstairs to pour the rice and beans, the money was 700naira per bag instead of the normal 600naira per bag.

War started.

It was indeed war because we were like 15guys. A look at the wierd and rough looking guys, i was sure about half of them were Masters holders in kponkponity, while the rest were Phd holders in kponkponical Engineering.

I and Brainbox were just WASSC holders tutored by our master Man who was just a Bsc holder.

Funny enough, Baba jay couldn’t be regarded as a FSLC holder but a Nursery school certificate holder, that is if there was any certificate like that.

Work started.

Mehn!! it wasn’t as easy as i tot. Some guys were even taking dry gin to serve as an Energy boaster.

I took a sip of the dry gin, so did Baba jay.

It didn’t only boast my strength, it made me developed wings. I was flying.

As for Baba jay, it made him changed his walking step to that of a Robot.

Before i knew it, i was on my fifth bag.

Baba jay was really a fast learner, he was catching up with the kponkpon tutorial he was learning from some of the Phd holders in the game.

I could finish only six bags before work closed. Lazy me!! When there was a guy that did 15bags, even Man did 9bags.

As we walked home, i was happy for Baba jay that atleast his first day to work in the “Ministry of Kponkpon” wasn’t a tragedy like mine.

I never knew Tragedy would soon come for him.
Hereditary “wahala” awaited him.
Something i never knew Baba jay had.
Something i only saw on Tv. I saw it in reality for the first time.
We boarded the same canoe we boarded while going. Just that we were the only passengers this time around.

“guy una dey make money well well for this una canoe business oh” Man said to the canoe attendant. “naso oh, na God dey do am oh” the Canoe attendant replied. “e be like say i go come follow una dey do the business oh” Man teased. “u never do kponkpon business finish, u wan enter canoe business” i said.

We had barely crossed to the other side of the River when Baba jay brought out the money he had made and said, “omoh mehn! Money dey for dis kpokpon business oh, see as i make 2100naira today. “shebi when i tell u make u follow me go do kpokpon, u tell me say u be old man” Man said.

I had never seen Baba jay that happy since i met him. “mehn see money oh!!” Baba jay said showing us his money.

He still held the money in his hands when a drama started unfolding.

Baba jay started shaking like Banana leaf.

And he graduated to shaking like a Jelly fish.

“which kin play be dis one? u dey f”uck up oh” I said thinking he was trying to f’ool us.

It was no joke. It was real.

Baba jay was experiencing Epilepsy attack.

I could see from the corner of my eyes that Brainbox was dead scared, he almost jumped out of the canoe.

As Baba jay continued shaking like someone that had been electrocuted, he let go of the money he was holding. And sea wind blew the Money from his hands. Not all the money, but some.

It was raining of money, as wind blew the Money to unreachable height, but not beyond the reach of Brainbox.

I saw the rest of the money the wind didn’t blow close to my feet, so i picked it. Not for keeps, but i pleged i would hand them over to Baba jay once he becomes well.

I saw Brainbox jumped to catch two 500naira notes that was flying with the wind. I was tempted to try my luck to see how much i could catch, “but why Baba jay go get shaky shaky disease i go com dey jump catch him money?” i asked myself.

“wetin dey do am!! E don dey die oh!! Pour am water na” The canoe attendant shouted. “e no go died, Flow bring water make we pour am” Man said.

“where water na? Water no dey here? Na when we reach house we go see water” I said in a limbo. “u be mumu, we dey on top water and you dey ask me where water dey?” Man replied.

Baba jay continued shaking like a patient of Parkinson’s disease for a while. Maybe it was Parkinson’s disease, or maybe it was its elder brother named Epilepsy, so i tot.

Then he stopped shaking.

I tot he was dead. because he didn’t move his body for about 10minutes.

I hurriedly poured plenty of water on his face.

The water did the magic.

Baba jay coughed back to reality.

He was healed. Healed by Otammiri water.

A song came to my mind at that moment. Fela’s song, “water!! e no get enemy!!”