My Instagram Love

Episode 20

If only I could turn back the hands of time and erase the past, I’d surely do it. If only I could take back the precious time I wasted by stalking a disabled lady on the Internet for three good months, then the pleasure would be all mine to hold.

If wishes were horses, beggars would definitely ride.

I could hear her calling out my name amid tears but I was in no condition to see her face, especially not after what I had just seen below her waist. I was in shock. I was freaking out. I was on the verge of losing my mind.

Was that why she never ever took and uploaded full pictures of herself on Instagram? I wondered, still descending the staircase, ignoring Lola’s call and her cries for my own good.

In less than 2 minutes, I conquered the stairs, walked past the counter-side where Denise was stationed as usual, then I exited the mall through the second sliding door at the back of the building. I could hear Denise calling me from afar, but I ignored her as well until I was able to locate my car amongst other cars in the parking lot. First and foremost, I pulled up the glasses of the car, which was quite unlike me. Secondly, I switched on the air conditioner, thinking it could probably soothe my burning temper to an extent. Finally, I put on the radio, tuning it to a station which I loved most for the quality blues and the exceptional country songs they played from time to time. Music was something I needed most in such an awkward situation I somehow happened to find myself in.
Luckily for me, the odds were surely in my favor. Don Williams’ Listen To The Radio was playing, so I turned up the volume and sighed, reflecting on what had just transpired between Lola and I back on the staircase.

Rubbing my dry palms across my ‘oily’ face, I blinked three times and then slammed my palms against the steering wheel, feeling so shattered. I had never felt so clueless like the way I reacted when the sight of Lola’s disfigured leg hit me so hard and registered a place in my mind. I could still point out some details of her appearance that got me attracted to her in the first place. Unlike other ladies who took pleasure in deceiving gullible men with make-ups, Snapchat filters and fake voices on social media platforms, Lola’s case was the exact opposite of such inconsiderate ladies. Even without wearing artificial attachments like synthetic hair and heavy make-up to alter her appearance, her natural face was quite okay, her voice was pretty much the same or even better than the way it sounded on our first phone call and on our video calls, and her body structure was something to die for, but her legs were a complete no-go area. A total flop. A big mess!
Everything started to make sense to me as I thought about all we had both discussed about during our conversations, both online and on the video calls. I could remember when she mentioned something about a female friend of hers who had an accident and ended up in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. I came to the realization that Lola was indeed the major subject of the fake story she had narrated to me. Still thinking deeply, I also remembered when I mentioned something about how I was wondering how she would look like in reality since she sounded so good on a mere phone call, then her response came in where she texted, and I quote:
“Trust me, I’m not what you expect to see in reality.”

Was this what she was possibly trying to tell me the entire time? Was she trying to tell me about her disability when she stated something in a rather sarcastic manner which reads: “If I were you, I’d go for her instead of this so-called ‘friend’ of hers you’re so concerned about.”

It finally dawned on me that Lola actually wanted me to go for her friend who seemed to be more interested in me at first sight, instead of wasting my time ‘shooting shots’ at her because she knew she wouldn’t meet up to my expectations. I was lost in thought, remembering when I also replied back with a quote that reads thus:
“The heart knows what it wants, Lola. You can’t decide what’s best for your heart. It chooses what’s best for you on its own.”
If only I could take back those words and flush them down the toilet, then I wouldn’t even hesitate to do so. I regretted sugarcoating almost every word I said to please her, not knowing that I was only human, and that as a mere mortal I surely had the tendency to promise and fail, to fall behind and to crack under pressure. I wished I never said the sweet things I said to her without seeing her in person first. I wished I never gained her trust and made her feel too comfortable with me, because I was nothing like the coolheaded, romantic gentleman she was looking for.