Episode 60
By the time I returned, Francesca was sitting on the couch, combing her hair with the aid of a mirror which she held with her other hand. She stopped what she was doing at once, dropped the tools on the same couch and stood up menacingly, giving me an uninviting stare.
“Where are you going to, nna?”
“I am going out.” I announced, placing my hand on the doorknob. “It’s the best thing to do before I’m pushed to beat sense into you right here and now.”
“For your information, that’s not possible.” She said, pointing a finger at my amputated arm. “I mean, take a good look at yourself, sir. You are so incomplete! You’re not the perfect Prince Charming anymore. You’re more like an imperfect scarecrow in form of a human being! Tell me who’s going to trip for you now, bro?”
I ignored her and attempted to open the door so I could leave, but the heartless demoness just wasn’t willing to give up yet. She walked up to me, hissed and continued to inflict more and more pains on me with her verbal assault.
“Maybe this time around you’ll lose your muscular legs and your second arm.” Francesca jested, stabbing me deep in the heart with her unkind words. On a regular basis, I would’ve retaliated on impulse in order to protect my pride, but somehow I managed not to clapback for peace to reign. However, the following statements she made got to me the most and shattered my emotions completely:
“See your scarred face. Brother wey mumu. Uncle wey no wise.” She said it in a way that seemed as if she was singing, then she started clapping her hands and dancing like her favorite artist, Beyoncé, in order to add spice to the whole insult. “Go and flex with your side chicks, get drunk and get yourself into another bigger trouble, inugo?”
“Whatever.”
“Look at this moron oh. In fact, nkita racha gi anya nebau.” Francesca burst out laughing again, behaving like a senseless clown in a circular tent. “Just negodi mmadu. Isi aki dika gi. Onye ofu aka.”
This time around, I was forced to retaliate. “Say whatever you want to say to me, but I can boldly assure you that I won’t get hurt. Your insults are like fragile broomsticks to me. At least I’m not the one who has stretch marks on my butt0ckz, rashes on my neck and pimples on my face.”
I noticed the instant look of surprise on her face which proved that my words were aggravating her anger. “Nwokem ibu isi ewu. Chineke kpuo gi oku. Get out of my presence osiso osiso!”
“With all pleasure, ma’am.”
“Ode oshi.” She hissed with her right arm extended and her palm wide open to indicate ‘waka’! “I know you’ll surely come back here to meet me when you are done. If you think you are stubborn, I’ll show you what real stubbornness looks like.”
“That’s your problem.” I turned the doorknob, opened the door, walked out furiously and said “Thank God” under my breath before I vacated that particular premise once and for all.
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