My Instagram Love

Episode 29

• Terminate Flashback •
  In one simple word, LIES.

Lies and deceit were all I could point out from Tunde’s sugarcoated words. He was — without a doubt — blessed with a sharp brain and a sweet tongue that made it extremely easy for ignorant ladies to fall prey into his trap. I was touched by the message at first, but now, anger replaced the soft emotion in my heart and I suddenly developed a burning desire to stick my slender fingers into his small eyeballs if I could. If you had the chance to strangle someone to death for making you feel so useless, what would you do? Would you seize the opportunity at once or would you let them be?

I snapped out of my dark thought and rebuked the cold-blooded devil in me. I’d rather leave judgement to the most high God than take unreasonable actions that I might regret later. There’d be no logical reason for one to take laws into their own hands and end up with a troubled conscience, or in a worst-case scenario, end up behind bars.
I read a few more of the old messages in my personal inbox page, deleted some of them and graced the keyboard with my thin but strong fingers. I started to type a new message for Prince Charming to read whenever he decides to quit the petty games and come back online:

“What is the essence of sunset, when there is no day?

Of what use is the lightning, when there is no rain?

What is the meaning of life, is it a fairy tale?
Tell me why there’s pain, when there is no gain;
Compared to the fishes under the sea,
I have a mind, a soul in me,
You were my water, my hope to breathe,
The way you dried up, I can’t believe;
I gave you my all so suddenly,
My trust, my love, my everything,
My heart of gold I gave so free,
I thought you were different, but now I see;
Society does not really fit me,
The sky above abandoned me,
The Earth itself wants me down—below six feet,

So who am I to still resist?”

At that, I dropped the laptop on the bed, picked up the small red bowl from the bedstead, swallowed one of the poisoned beefsteaks in it, drank the whole content of the insecticide spray bottle and stabbed myself in the belly with the rusty knife I was holding—groaning and humming the melody of a gospel song and asking for God’s forgiveness for ending the precious life He had given to me free of charge.

According to the exact words of the Son of God on the day of His crucifixion:
“It is finished.” I mumbled, groaning and writhing in pain as the effect of the harm I had done to myself started to kick in gradually. “My trials and tribulations are over. My misery and deep scars have been thoroughly cleansed. From–”
I paused abruptly as a severe pain struck my abdomen with reckless abandon, making me scream so loud as I fell on the tiled floor, but I still managed to stay strong and held onto my last breath so that I could continue mumbling my last prayer till the very end of it.
“From dust I came, and to dust I shall return. Henceforth, my soul belongs to thee, oh Lord. Do with me as you please, but temper justice with mercy.” I coughed, groaned again, and continued mumbling: “Dear Lord, all I ask for is Your grace, forgiveness and compassion over my wretched soul. Envelope me with Your love and let my spirit dwell in thy canopy of goodness, divinity and purity. Let Your blessed angels take charge over me; for I am nothing but an ungrateful sinner—a mere mortal with natural flaws…”

I coughed again, still groaning terribly but striving to hang in-between life and death for some time.