Read Story: SEASON 1 EPISODE 20
Some drivers could be so wicked. Going to
Maraba is N100, Nyanya goes at same price
but everything tripled that night. Nyanya
became 150, Maraba N200. Kai…. I was
really angry. I had budgeted the money given
to me by Madam so aint no way I am
forming big boy o. I waited and waited before
this El-rufai came o. El-Rufai (Abuja) = BRT
(Lagos). Na so I push, drag, pinch before I
succeed enter inside car. Everywhere dey full
and na to stand na im remain.
Na so I stand for car o, car begin drive, we
reach AYA realize say na from there hold-up
start from. Men, na so my leg pain me till we
reach Nyanya. Na from there I climb another
car. I reach Maraba I don already tire finish.
Men, I just dey come down, I comot Phone
call this chick tell her say I don reach, na so
she shout give me. Men, I begin happy o as
she tell me say she don cook finish. She been
think say I go disappoint her. D–n… Me?
For free toto, food and bed? Maka gini…
I had crossed over the road to the other side
clutching tightly on my phone. I had made
the first call codedly so I was not planing on
risking it the second time. Those guys with
eagle eyes must have sighted me. The boys
dey snatching phone from car wey dey drive
120 km/h, my own go be play be that na. I
remember when them been collect my phone.
I been dey use one confirm express music
and I just landed Abuja newly. I was leaving
for the hotel I was employed in very early in
the morning. I had brought out my phone to
download games. I never knew one of them
phone-snatchers saw me. The guy trailed the
car till it was about to leave the hold up. He
struck, kai, I held my phone tight but he
twisted my fingers and removed it from my
hand.
I been think say heart attack wan catch me.
Na so my phone carry go? Everybody for car
begin tell me sorry. Even the mumu driver
dey tell me talk say him been wan tell me
but im mind comot from there. As I reach
work begin yan people the story, all of them
come dey tell me say na mumu I be. Me?
mumu? Sake of say person force phone
comot from my hand o. I no blame them.
How I for do am? CHase am when my seat
belt (I sat on the front passenger seat) hold
me down like captured goat?
As soon as I entered into the park, I went
straight to where bikes were parked. Picked
one, bargained and hopped on it. I was
feeling the gently breeze that brushed my
face as the journey progressed.
“brrrrrrrrr”
My Nokia begin ring. I pick am look the
name. Choi, my belle sweet me die. Na one
confirm babe wey me dey like for Nairaland
na her dey call. I pick call begin yan with her
but along the line she begin tell me say she
no dey hear me. I tell her say make she call
me later say I dey on top of bike dey go
house. For where?
I got to Assemblies of God at Aso, picked my
phone confidently since the phone snatchers
don’t operate in the inner part of Maraba and
called this girl. She picked it at the first ring.
Minutes later she appeared. Na so she wear
one blue top on top lo black skirt come
carry head-tie cover herself like Hausa girl.
“Attai, I miss you.”
Miss? When we see?
“Me too.”
She come hug me. Na so signal waka enter
my brain because her kind of hugging na the
one wey them dey carry hand take hold
preek.
“where is your place?”
I no wan waste time o.
“It’s over there. We have to be quiet about it.
I don’t want my landlord finding out.”
I only nodded and allowed her lead me
through twists and turns of the ghetto
looking Maraba. We entered into her
compound and straight into her room. The
place looked like the normal student abi na
spinster room self. Bed on the rug carpet,
bags hanging on the wall, a wardrobe full of
clothes. Tell me why women like clothes pass
men. The most beautiful thing in the room
was the pot that was still steaming on the
fire. The aroma wasn’t clear though.
“Please take that pot outside. I hate smoke”
I complained to her which she quickly did.
She came back to meet me laughing over the
phone. The female Nairalander stayed on the
call for close to 20 minutes after which I
bade her goodnight with sweet words. Jeez,
this babe was right there. She did not
interrupt the call. She waited for me to finish.
“Who was that?”
She asked.
“A friend.”
I replied curtly. It is only women that are
allowed to have male friends. Men are not
allowed o. You are either with them or with
nobody.
“A friend ba? So you keep girlfriend for house
wan come fu’u’ck me ba?”
That’s how raw she can get with her mouth
o. I was just starting to realize that I had
entered one-chance.
“It is not what you think o. Give me food
make I eat jor.”
I sort of commanded her. She obliged my
request but I refused eating the food until
she joined me. I no wan hear say na only my
stomach go swell-up. I no care if she hide
the anti-dote somewhere.
“Who was that girl you spent so long a time
talking to?”
She dropped the question again. I looked at
her and swallowed. I had finished eating,
gone to bathroom, freshened up and was
only putting on my boxers. She had stripped
herself n’a’ked and was lying close to me.
If na you, how you wan carry tell her say na
“so cute was the bliss” call?
Lovely comedy